Incarcerate me, please

To:
The Wardens of Jale, The Hard Yard, and Windy City Lockdown

From:
Yours truly

Re:
Doin' Time

Dear Sir or Madam:

I write with the utmost sincerity to express my desire to find a place among your latest shipment of inmates. I seek the flogging, torture, and purging that your esteemed houses of suffering are known to offer. I long to lose years of my life, to expend the productive days of my youth, in your dark halls and musty cells. The prospects of gainful employment and active participation in "normal" society pale in comparison to the promise of fruitless toil, abuse, and self-doubt afforded by your illustrious chain gangs. I look forward to meeting your guards, notorious for their inflated egos, and to receive the discipline they offer, to submit to their ways and solve my "failure to commun'cate". Solitary confinement? I shall relish it. Watery porridge, occasionaly trembling with maggots? Please sir, may I have some more? The fear of dishonorable deeds done to me by fellow inmates while showering? This too, I shall weather.

I wait with anxious anticipation for my conscription, my cell block number, and my striped or orange jumpsuit, whichever style you prefer.

Thank you for your consideration.

The Battle Rageth On...

My dear mother, ever the active learner and incessant student, has been taking classes at her local seminary in the Washington, D.C. area. We've had many conversations about the scarily fundamentalist nature of the school and the questionable things it is teaching. As we've talked I've found myself consistently at odds with the things she's learning in class. She often just laughs at the exceptions I take, chalking it up to the various theological differences that make up our diverse global church. But now it's starting to hit closer to home for her. Here is an excerpt of an email response she received after trying to sign up for a preaching class at her school:

"The sermon preparation and delivery courses are virtually the only courses not open to women in the Seminary. The reason is that sermons are normally given by the senior spiritual leadership in a local church, which is a role assigned to men in Scripture. If the Seminary were to admit women into the two courses it would be indirectly endorsing having women as elders and senior spiritual leaders over churches. Your desire to use the kind of techniques presented in the course as a Bible teacher of women and young people is understandable. At this point the only option remaining would be to address the issue to Dr. ___'s attention. Be assured that the Seminary is attempting to follow the Biblical mandate for gender roles in the church. It is not trying to place unnecessary restrictions on opportunities available to women. "

Mind you, she had never said anything about only planning to teach women and kids; this was simply assumed by the respondent.
It all makes my blood boil. Ah the blinders! Ah the excuses! Ah the fallacies!

Fantastic!

Newsroom > WWF Press Release

Mysterious Animal Photographed in Borneo
For Release: 12/06/2005